You are Always Networking, Always; Mindful Interaction Outside the Office

One of my favorite things to do in Salem, Massachusetts, is go to the local brewery; no agenda, just enjoying the company and talking with others doing the same. This is my personal and social time; I am not wearing the “therapist” or “entrepreneur” hat.

Last weekend, doing just that, I made a point to talk to a woman that I’d only briefly met before. To my surprise, the conversation was pretty flat. This woman was very negative in tone, condescending without warrant, and made no effort to reciprocate in the conversation. Any topic I put out there just got swatted down. She was in a mood, which could have been caused by any number of things. Perhaps she wasn’t feeling well, or had just had a negative interaction with someone else. Maybe this just wasn’t her best day to carry on small talk.

Now, to be perfectly honest, that’s fine. I am not personally offended — I really don’t know her well and I have nothing to gain or lose in this relationship. But something about the interaction got my attention…

Dialogue is critical for Networking

During the conversation, this woman disclosed that she is trying to leave her current job to become a self-employed nutritionist. For anyone, this is a brave and difficult endeavor. Much like counseling, it’s going to require her to build up a body of clientele. Building clientele when venturing into the self employment world directly impacts your livelihood. If you don’t have clients, you don’t get paid.

Had she contributed to the conversation, or participated in basic dialogue with me, she would have found out that I am a therapist. Not only that, I am treating and have treated a number of clients with dysregulated eating. I am always looking for nutritionists and treatment programs; knowing what the local options are is important for my job. By simply being communicative and interested in basic conversation, she would have gained five potential clients on the spot.

What is networking?

The action or process of interacting with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts.

What I’m talking about is gaining a general knowledge of the people in your community and building a rapport. This is different than social networking, which is usually surface level and contrived; websites like LinkedIn and Twitter have their place, but cannot offer the benefit of truly meeting someone. Networking is the action or process of interacting with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts.

Networking at specific events that are deliberately put together for the purpose of growing your professional network are also necessary, but have a superficial feeling to them. These are greatly beneficial, with the expectation that you are there to talk business and hear about others’ businesses.

The type of networking that I am referring to is the networking that happens outside of your job. Are you involved in your community? Are you friendly and open to a new acquaintance? These are the things that matter. Networking may not be on your radar when you are relaxing and socializing at a brewery (or whatever it is you do in your free time). However this is when a true network is developed. You are more likely to get recommended for a job if the person doing the recommendation knows you personally; and knows that your character is one that they are willing to put their own reputation on the line for.

As an entrepreneur building a clientele in a field such as therapy, consulting, or alternative medicines, you are your brand. Your conversations and demeanor matter. The nature of our work is deeply personal; you will likely get recommendations from people based on who you are.

Let’s talk about the conversation while Networking

For most people, small talk is both scary and painful. We have all been there. There are many tips and tricks for starting a maintaining a conversation that can help ease this pain. Small talk doesn’t need to be boring or meaningless! I think this list gives practical advice that can be applied to small talk with strangers, acquaintances and people you know well. The major points are active listening, asking and answering questions, finding mutual interests and similarities, have an intention for the conversation. The goal of the conversation is to get to know the other person. People like to be heard and understood; you can’t really get to know someone if you aren’t listening carefully and inquiring about their lives.

Also, be genuine. One of the most meaningful compliments I have ever received is that my personality seems to be consistent throughout all my roles. I didn’t realize how important this was to me until someone pointed it out. I really feel uncomfortable with those that seem to be playing a role, or that morph into a new person when interacting with different groups. People will see right through a facade, and they won’t trust you. This matters in building friendships and in building your business.

An important Networking lesson to learn

The woman from the lesson above will never know the impact of that awkward conversation. The unexpected lesson that I gained from this strange interaction? My character does, and will continue to, greatly impact my success or my failure in this business.

Being kind has never really been an issue for me; but I do need to work on self awareness (I am notorious for having “tunnel vision”). I hope the best for that individual and her endeavors, but I will also carry with me the other lesson I learned from this interaction: I am always networking, always.

TL;DR

Every conversation and interaction matters. This is the most genuine form of networking.

Don’t limit your cognitive efforts to network to specific internet platforms or networking events. You being you, in your relaxed and socializing form, says more about your character than you realize.

Follow these tips when talking to others: active listening, asking and answering questions, finding mutual interests and similarities, have an intention for the conversation.

You are your brand. Due to the nature of out work, being friendly and genuine is extremely important. This should be consistent in all facets of your life.